Valentine's Day advice from the "Queen of Romance"

By: Betsy Ross

Pure Romance founder Patty Brisben on how to elevate your romantic holiday

Whether it's a new relationship or one that's been going for a while, this pandemic has tested even the most romantic of couples. How do you keep relationships going through these challenging times? We chatted with Patty Brisben, the founder of Pure Romance, for suggestions on how to make your Valentine's Day special, especially after a year when we’ve been more or less homebound (with or without or significant others).

“With most relationships, since we’ve been at home, somewhat in tight quarters with one another and with the whole family, I think we’ve learned a lot about each other,” said Patty. “And I think what you’re going to see is a shift in relationships.

“I work with thousands of consultants who work with millions of women, and I hear from them how people are putting more emphasis on their relationships. I think you’ll see people pivot and their relationships will get stronger, with people knowing, now, exactly what it is that they need to keep those relationships healthy.”

This is also a good time, Patty said, for all of us to set aside time to take care of ourselves, as well as our partners. “First and foremost, I am all about taking care of us,” Patty said. “That’s why I started the Patty Brisben Foundation because we are so far behind research on women’s sexual health. We as women are constantly putting everybody else’s needs way before our needs. And I think it’s time that we need to stand up and make sure that we are taking care of ourselves, that we’re getting the proper amount of sleep, exercise, time to ourselves.

“Because if we’re unhealthy emotionally, we’re unhealthy everywhere,” she said. “And I think women being able to communicate this to our families, is very important. Just say, even to yourself, ‘I need to give back to myself. It’s important that I do. It’s important that I look at what my needs are and make a schedule for that.’

“Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to do that, because we feel we’re being selfish. Sometimes you might do a better job if you take that 10, 15 minutes, half an hour, to yourself. It gives your mind a chance to clear and you’ll do a much better job if you give back to yourself.”

So how do we put aside all the stresses we’re dealing with and still celebrate Valentine’s Day? Patty suggests making the celebration a family affair. “I’m going to go back to when my children were little,” she said. “Most children are not going to stay up and make it to midnight for New Year’s Eve, but everybody wants to celebrate it, right? So if you have small children, what I would suggest is maybe you make a big deal of Valentine’s Day at dinnertime. Maybe you make cupcakes or cookies and make it a celebration for them, too. But also let them know, let your significant other know, that after the kids go to bed, it’s time for you two.

“But I hate to look at Valentine’s Day as the one day that we spend together. For me, the day is a reminder that our relationship is something to take care of, to pay attention to, every day, because we want to have a quality life with our significant other.”

As we start to ease back into our lives outside our homes and away from our families, Patty expects that our relationships will take on a new look after we’ve spent so much time together. “I think we should hit a reset button,” she said. “I think in this time together we’ve learned a lot about who we are and more than anything, the strength that we have in coming together and uniting. I think we’re going to look at our relationships very differently and not take them for granted.

“It’s important that we remember this time and remember that we only had each other to get through this. I hope that, when all this is said and done, that we will continue to build on that strength and what we have come through together as a family, as a unit, as a couple, as a parent and for ourselves, and that we will continue to do better.”

To learn more about the Patty Brisben Foundation for Women’s Sexual Health, visit www.pattybrisbenfoundation.org.

To learn more about Pure Romance, go to www.pureromance.com.